More memories...

I have only two more memories to write about as any others I have are a bit sketchy. The second of these is, I think, really poignant.

#1. Joan unfortunately passed away earlier this year but I remember her as a frail little lady with curly hair and big blue eyes. She was very confused, had dementia and mobility problems. She could walk but it was more of an unbalanced totter. The clearest memory I have of her was when she had a little ‘accident’. I had been in earlier that afternoon to toilet her on the commode and after sitting her back her chair had taken the chamber pot to the sluice with the intention of returning with a clean one. However, we had been run off our feet all day as a new admission had taken the nurse and a HCA away to help with weighing and so on and so forth. So we were understaffed in effect for about 2 hours.

Joan rang her bell about an hour after I had taken her pot away and reminded me that she would need a new one so off I trotted to get one. I know it is unprofessional to laugh in certain circumstances but I couldn’t help it when I entered Joan’s room to find her sat on the Commode without a pot, her skirt tucked into the neck line of her blouse and a serene smile on her face as she ‘went to the toilet’ on the carpet. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: Lovey, what are you doing?
Joan: Going to the toilet. *serene smile once more*
Me: But you haven’t got a chamber pot in the commode!
Joan: *looks mildly bemused by this information* Should I have a chamber pot?
Me: Yes, you should have one.
Joan: I should have one what, dear?
Me: A chamber pot.
Joan: Why on earth would I need one of those?
Me: So you don’t go to the toilet on the carpet! *starting to laugh*
Joan: But I don’t need the toilet.
Me: I imagine you don’t anymore! *smiling and trying not to laugh too much*

The funniest part, and it shouldn’t have been funny at all really as it was my fault entirely that it happened, was that cause she was so small, she had sunk through the hole a bit of the way and was quite happily waggling her legs in the air as if it was all good fun. Long story cut short, I cleaned up, filled in a whoopsie form for the Housekeeping staff and got Joan ready for bed. The memory of her sitting on the empty commode without a care in the world still makes me smile.

#2. Rose has had a stroke which affected her right side, her speech and in some subtle way her mental state. She can be quite emotional and if she can’t make herself understood because her lack of mobility and clear speech gets quite frustrated and upset. But we all love Rose as she is really sweet and lovely and very unaffected – if she smiles when she sees you and gives you a little wave, it can really brighten your day (or mine anyway).

Rose’s husband used to come in all the time to see her apparently, everyday if he could. He was also very popular with the staff as he was a proper gentleman. But when I arrived last summer he hadn’t been in at all for a few weeks and Rose was quite pensive and sad. I felt very sorry for her. A few weeks later I was informed that he would be coming to stay with her and that we had to move her to one of the suites which had been set up with two beds so married couples can be close together. I asked why; Ben, Rose’s husband, was dying and was moving in with Rose for the last few weeks of his life. Well, you can imagine what I felt and I didn’t even know the man – the rest of the staff were quite upset by the news.

On the day he was admitted, we were run off our feet but most of us took the time to talk with Rose before he arrived and support her; she was so excited but the Nurses tried to cushion the blow of seeing him by explaining that he wasn’t very well and looked a bit pale and gaunt. She didn’t seem to care. I happened to be the one who wheeled her down to the Suite after they had weighed Ben and sorted out all his belongings. I will never forget what happened when I wheeled her into that room. Both of them simultaneously cried out and reached out for one another in a way which was heartrending. The look of sheer joy on both their faces was so wonderful but the knowledge that he knew and we knew he wouldn’t be around very long to enjoy Rose’s company made the reunion all the more upsetting. One of the nurses was already sniffling, I felt myself begin to go and I didn’t even know the man then and Anne, another of the HCAs looked like she was stoically trying to hold back the tears.

The next day, Laura, another of the HCAs, and I were given the task of bathing Ben. He hadn’t had a bath in the whole 6 weeks he had been in hospital although they had strip washed him so he wasn’t too dirty. This lovely old man held up brilliantly despite the obvious agony he was in as we hoisted him into the wheelchair and then the bath. He was so polite and kind, even though he was obviously in great pain. He loved his bath and we scrubbed him to within an inch of his life so he felt ‘human’ again, as he put it. He explained as we wheeled him back to their room afterwards that they had been married for 50 years and had this many children and that many grandchildren and so on. I enjoy hearing what the residents have to say so I asked some prompting questions as Laura and I began to tidy up and sort out his clean and dirty clothes before hoisting him into bed. I can’t remember what encouraged Ben to say this, but I haven’t forgotten it,

‘I’m just so happy to be back next to my darling Rose,’ he said and struggled to hold back tears of happiness or sadness – I couldn’t tell which.

‘Oh, don’t, you’ll set both of us off next.’ Laura said with a watery smile as she looked at me and saw I was in a similar state of upset to her. We manfully held back the tears as we finished tidying but I did have to go and get some tissue from their en-suite bathroom to stop my nose from streaming. I had to fight back the tears again on the day I left to go back to University as the realisation that I wouldn’t see this wonderful man, who we had all fallen a little bit in love with, ever again as he only had a few months to live. I gave Rose a quick hug and felt my eyes begin to sting as she began to get upset because I was leaving but when I explained to her I would be back next summer she cheered up a bit. Then I went to Ben and I remember thinking he knows that I know he is dying as he looked at me with a very paternal air and told me to look after myself and have fun as he squeezed my hand. I know it is definitely not the done thing but I leant over him and gave him a little kiss on the cheek as my eyes began to ache with the effort of not crying. He looked touched and squeezed my hand hard. I left quickly so I wouldn’t start to cry but later that night I did cry.

I’m not entirely sure how to finish off this post so I’ll just say,
‘Til next time,
Vienna xxx